Apa yang aku lakukan adalah mencoba bertahan hidup. Dari gempuran masa lalu yang selalu membuatku terjaga tiap malam. Aku mencoba bertahan hidup dan memeras inti sari jiwaku agar aku bisa bertahan. Pun ketika orang yang kita sayangi mulai menghianatiku dengan cara yang sangat kejam, aku mencoba bertahan untuk hidup. Bagaimana seorang lelaki yang sangat aku puja menjadi begitu kejam dan mencabut separuh hidupku. Bagaimana aku bisa berjalan dengan separuh hidupku berpijak pada masa lalu dan separuh hidupku mengapai masa depan. Ruang - ruang dalam otak ku begitu sibuk dan aku kebingungan untuk menyuruh mereka berhenti. Yang aku butuhkan adalah damai dan biarkan aku tidur dalam hening. Penyesalan bagai belati es dalam hatiku menusuk dan membuatku sakit. Aku ingin hening dalam tidurku. Jauhkan mimpi buruk dan impian tentang masa depan. Aku cuma ingin hening...... aku ingin tidur .... dan kosong...
( 4 hari tanpa tidur dan otak yg penuh )
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Monday, December 13, 2004
Kupu - Kupu akan hinggap di mana
Kupu - kupu akan hinggap dimana ?
Mungkin dia akan hinggap ..
Di bunga yang cantik..
Atau di dahan yang tak begitu kokoh..
Atau di pucuk pohon yang tinggi..
Kau tidak akan pernah bisa menebak ..
Kupu - kupu akan hinggap di mana ?
Kadang angin membawanya terbang...
Kadang harum bunga menyesatkannya...
Kadang dahan menipunya...
Dan kalau kupu - kupu itu pintar...
Dia akan terbang pada putik bunga yang tepat
Kau tidak akan pernah tahu..
Kupu - kupu akan hinggap di mana ?
Utk : Nadya (Berhentilah bertanya dan nikmatilah)
Mungkin dia akan hinggap ..
Di bunga yang cantik..
Atau di dahan yang tak begitu kokoh..
Atau di pucuk pohon yang tinggi..
Kau tidak akan pernah bisa menebak ..
Kupu - kupu akan hinggap di mana ?
Kadang angin membawanya terbang...
Kadang harum bunga menyesatkannya...
Kadang dahan menipunya...
Dan kalau kupu - kupu itu pintar...
Dia akan terbang pada putik bunga yang tepat
Kau tidak akan pernah tahu..
Kupu - kupu akan hinggap di mana ?
Utk : Nadya (Berhentilah bertanya dan nikmatilah)
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
My Email
Dear All
How are you? It’s been long time since. I have written an email for all of you. Maybe some of you meet me in chat room and one of you, he don’t have desire to join in unreal world. I just want to share the new experience to me.
This month is 6 months I am living in another space. Not too nice but that my choice to live in here. I miss you all guys. I miss everything we share together. I miss Tempo and all my best friend in there. I miss Endah and Robert who always had time to meet and cup of coffee, cinema that is something I really miss a lot.
And Juned hot car, sometimes I am really surprised I can sleep with well in that hot car. But Dani knows me well. No matter if the car has wheels, I can sleep. So what the difference between Becak or Gerobak they have wheels too. Oh well maybe someday I will try to sleep in Becak or Gerobak. But I really miss your car Ned
And Naya, Nadya thank you for always meeting me in chat room. I wish all of you will always have a good time and a good life.
By the way, early December when I woke up and open the window, all of the place was completely white. I am thinking maybe that kind of new my dream just white without any colour. Just white that’s a pretty boring dream. But I realize that my first real snowfall. I feel very excited about that and remember Endah told me to bring lemon and put that ice in glass. But sorry Ndah I made you disappointed, that was too cool to get ice in falling snow. I am not going outside that day just enjoy snow from small window and start thinking maybe God is very busy in this day to make a lot of patterns for snow.
But I am really loved with God jobs. That made earth very beautiful and white. There is an interesting event in Canada call Christmas lights, 2 Dec that event in Parliament Building. So I was go there, to bad I cannot saw the snow because that dark, without boot just my running shoes I go there. So what happen next that very exciting. I can feel snow in my feet and there's a lot of enjoyment. People bring candles (the organizer give it for free). And there choir who song front of the building and light. There is a fire so when you fell cold just come there and you get free hot beverage and marshmallow, and there's people who give you entertainment with instrument. That fun night actually, but guys I am not wearing proper shoes. My feet were very cold and wet. I get very famous disaster enter wind (masuk angin) so on the bus I can fell my tummy dancing and I fell my body shaking and I want run fast to find lovely bath room. So still even in Canada I am still girl from village well Cilacap. 3 Dec we decided to buy proper shoes (he bought me but I have cute feet that not enough for me) so we must change with the right size.
That lovely I can see snow and made pattern from my shoes, that very good. Take a bus I wish I could sit down, front of the driver. And I am tried to ask the driver may I sit down in his lap. But you know Guys, he said NO. I fell disappointed but well I get best seat and I can enjoy my trip. That was amazing seeing snow for the first time in bus. I can see Golf park like snow ocean. And people look like robot everywhere that cool. One thing I hate about snow, when that start to melt very slippery and hard to walking. And you get snow blindness because all of the object is white and reflect in your eyes. You can fell dizzy and faint But that's temporary condition when you adjust with that. I think that will be okay.
Still I cannot fall in love with snow. I miss my sexy outfit. This is long email. Thank you for accepting my email.
For Dani and Juned, Nadya, Nay I am so sorry
Write this in English. I need practice my written please you must read this.
For Robert wish you had time to read this. To endah I have account in MSN kinara_cc@hotmail.com See soon Ndah.
Well guys I am really miss you a lot. Wish all of you always happy and smile.
Wind
How are you? It’s been long time since. I have written an email for all of you. Maybe some of you meet me in chat room and one of you, he don’t have desire to join in unreal world. I just want to share the new experience to me.
This month is 6 months I am living in another space. Not too nice but that my choice to live in here. I miss you all guys. I miss everything we share together. I miss Tempo and all my best friend in there. I miss Endah and Robert who always had time to meet and cup of coffee, cinema that is something I really miss a lot.
And Juned hot car, sometimes I am really surprised I can sleep with well in that hot car. But Dani knows me well. No matter if the car has wheels, I can sleep. So what the difference between Becak or Gerobak they have wheels too. Oh well maybe someday I will try to sleep in Becak or Gerobak. But I really miss your car Ned
And Naya, Nadya thank you for always meeting me in chat room. I wish all of you will always have a good time and a good life.
By the way, early December when I woke up and open the window, all of the place was completely white. I am thinking maybe that kind of new my dream just white without any colour. Just white that’s a pretty boring dream. But I realize that my first real snowfall. I feel very excited about that and remember Endah told me to bring lemon and put that ice in glass. But sorry Ndah I made you disappointed, that was too cool to get ice in falling snow. I am not going outside that day just enjoy snow from small window and start thinking maybe God is very busy in this day to make a lot of patterns for snow.
But I am really loved with God jobs. That made earth very beautiful and white. There is an interesting event in Canada call Christmas lights, 2 Dec that event in Parliament Building. So I was go there, to bad I cannot saw the snow because that dark, without boot just my running shoes I go there. So what happen next that very exciting. I can feel snow in my feet and there's a lot of enjoyment. People bring candles (the organizer give it for free). And there choir who song front of the building and light. There is a fire so when you fell cold just come there and you get free hot beverage and marshmallow, and there's people who give you entertainment with instrument. That fun night actually, but guys I am not wearing proper shoes. My feet were very cold and wet. I get very famous disaster enter wind (masuk angin) so on the bus I can fell my tummy dancing and I fell my body shaking and I want run fast to find lovely bath room. So still even in Canada I am still girl from village well Cilacap. 3 Dec we decided to buy proper shoes (he bought me but I have cute feet that not enough for me) so we must change with the right size.
That lovely I can see snow and made pattern from my shoes, that very good. Take a bus I wish I could sit down, front of the driver. And I am tried to ask the driver may I sit down in his lap. But you know Guys, he said NO. I fell disappointed but well I get best seat and I can enjoy my trip. That was amazing seeing snow for the first time in bus. I can see Golf park like snow ocean. And people look like robot everywhere that cool. One thing I hate about snow, when that start to melt very slippery and hard to walking. And you get snow blindness because all of the object is white and reflect in your eyes. You can fell dizzy and faint But that's temporary condition when you adjust with that. I think that will be okay.
Still I cannot fall in love with snow. I miss my sexy outfit. This is long email. Thank you for accepting my email.
For Dani and Juned, Nadya, Nay I am so sorry
Write this in English. I need practice my written please you must read this.
For Robert wish you had time to read this. To endah I have account in MSN kinara_cc@hotmail.com See soon Ndah.
Well guys I am really miss you a lot. Wish all of you always happy and smile.
Wind
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Hening
Sudah malam sayang..
Katupkan sayap rapuhmu..
Pejamkan matamu..
….
Hening dan tunggu ..
Malam aku menyelimutimu dengan gelapnya..
Akan kau lihat seribu peri menari ..
Hey lihat sayap rapuhmu menjadi lebih kuat..
Jangan kau buka matamu sebelum pagi datang..
Nikmati gelap ini..
Nikmati hening ini..
Biarkan peri menari dalam heningmu..
Dan kau temukan bahagia dalam Malam-Mu..
Alymer – ketika aku benci bangun ..
Katupkan sayap rapuhmu..
Pejamkan matamu..
….
Hening dan tunggu ..
Malam aku menyelimutimu dengan gelapnya..
Akan kau lihat seribu peri menari ..
Hey lihat sayap rapuhmu menjadi lebih kuat..
Jangan kau buka matamu sebelum pagi datang..
Nikmati gelap ini..
Nikmati hening ini..
Biarkan peri menari dalam heningmu..
Dan kau temukan bahagia dalam Malam-Mu..
Alymer – ketika aku benci bangun ..
Ketika..
Ketika aku mencoba untuk tak sadarkan diri dengan dua gelas wine sore ini.
Mencoba mengapai nirvana yang fana.
Yang tak pernah tersentuh dengan ujung jariku bahkan ketika aku menjinjit mencoba tuk mengapainya.
Tuhan jenguk aku sebentar saja, bangunkan aku ..
Dari serakan mimpi yang coba aku rangkai..
Ternyata tak satupun mimpi mengantarkan pada satu kata bahagia.
7 Huruf yang setiap orang pasti menginginkannya.
Aku mencoba kembali, mencari pada setiap rumput yang aku pijak tiap pagi.
Atau pada gemerincing uang yang selalu terdengar nyaring.
Atau pada setiap helaan kepuasan persetubuhan para pemadu cinta ..
Atau wajah para lelaki..
Tetap….
Aku seperti tupai yang terjebak pada labirin yang aku ciptakan sendiri.
Mencoba melompat tak pernah jauh..
Hanya mengikuti kacang yang berserak dan mencari jalan keluar..
Semua jalan tertutup..
Pernah seorang teman berkata, good girls go to heaven..bad girls go to hell..
Aku jadi berfikir jangan – jangan bahkan pintu neraka pun enggan aku masuki..
Mencoba mengapai nirvana yang fana.
Yang tak pernah tersentuh dengan ujung jariku bahkan ketika aku menjinjit mencoba tuk mengapainya.
Tuhan jenguk aku sebentar saja, bangunkan aku ..
Dari serakan mimpi yang coba aku rangkai..
Ternyata tak satupun mimpi mengantarkan pada satu kata bahagia.
7 Huruf yang setiap orang pasti menginginkannya.
Aku mencoba kembali, mencari pada setiap rumput yang aku pijak tiap pagi.
Atau pada gemerincing uang yang selalu terdengar nyaring.
Atau pada setiap helaan kepuasan persetubuhan para pemadu cinta ..
Atau wajah para lelaki..
Tetap….
Aku seperti tupai yang terjebak pada labirin yang aku ciptakan sendiri.
Mencoba melompat tak pernah jauh..
Hanya mengikuti kacang yang berserak dan mencari jalan keluar..
Semua jalan tertutup..
Pernah seorang teman berkata, good girls go to heaven..bad girls go to hell..
Aku jadi berfikir jangan – jangan bahkan pintu neraka pun enggan aku masuki..
Lelaki
Lelaki
Apa yang kau tahu tentang mereka
Bulu halus di atas bibir..
Atau jambang di pipi..
Atau lelaki seperti yang dilukiskan dalam dongeng sebelum tidur..
Menderap tegap dengan kuda putih..
Menjemputmu dengan bunga di tangan ..
Membacakan puisi indah hinga kau terlena ..
Atau lelaki yang memberikan dadanya untuk kau sandari
Menyediakan telinganya untuk mendengarmu..
Menebarkan harumnya hingga kau terlena
Ah lelaki aku tidak pernah mengenalnya ..
Jakarta 18 Feb 04
Apa yang kau tahu tentang mereka
Bulu halus di atas bibir..
Atau jambang di pipi..
Atau lelaki seperti yang dilukiskan dalam dongeng sebelum tidur..
Menderap tegap dengan kuda putih..
Menjemputmu dengan bunga di tangan ..
Membacakan puisi indah hinga kau terlena ..
Atau lelaki yang memberikan dadanya untuk kau sandari
Menyediakan telinganya untuk mendengarmu..
Menebarkan harumnya hingga kau terlena
Ah lelaki aku tidak pernah mengenalnya ..
Jakarta 18 Feb 04
Menunggu
Aku tetap menunggu-mu di sini..
Di ujung jalan yang aku tandai..
Dengan warna pink bibirku..
Hitam rambutku dan coklat bola mataku..
Aku tetap menunggu disini..
Di jalan yang aku susun ,,
Dengan kepingan hati yang aku kumpulkan
Dari serakan masa lalu, masa kini dan masa datang..
Aku tetap menunggumu di sini
Selaksa pokok pohon tak berdaun..
Tapi berbunga..
Aku tetap menunggumu disini..
Walau 1000 musim mengecup dingin pucukku
Jakarta 17 Feb 04
Di ujung jalan yang aku tandai..
Dengan warna pink bibirku..
Hitam rambutku dan coklat bola mataku..
Aku tetap menunggu disini..
Di jalan yang aku susun ,,
Dengan kepingan hati yang aku kumpulkan
Dari serakan masa lalu, masa kini dan masa datang..
Aku tetap menunggumu di sini
Selaksa pokok pohon tak berdaun..
Tapi berbunga..
Aku tetap menunggumu disini..
Walau 1000 musim mengecup dingin pucukku
Jakarta 17 Feb 04
Jauh
Tengah malam yang terlanjur senyap.
Membiru di langit, membiru di sini.
Terlalu jauh terbang mengapai mimpi.
Seperti anak sungai yang tak berujung.
Jauh.....................................
Alymer Dec 04
Membiru di langit, membiru di sini.
Terlalu jauh terbang mengapai mimpi.
Seperti anak sungai yang tak berujung.
Jauh.....................................
Alymer Dec 04
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